


If Only We Could Prevent Those 'If's

by AboutAllILoveYous



Series: Glass Collector [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Bitter ending, Fights, Gen, Haikyuu Angst Week 2020, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Mental Health Issues, Mild Blood, Minor Violence, Suicide Attempt, basically the warnings, close friendships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 07:00:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27347029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AboutAllILoveYous/pseuds/AboutAllILoveYous
Summary: Contribution for Haikyuu!! Angst Week 2020, Day 1 - Tier 3: "When Did It All Change?"-----The fives perhaps were self-blaming at the same moment together- in the hospital rooms, in the surgery room, in the waiting cell.If I was less reckless in my behaviours. If I could help him sooner.If I was braver and stood up firmly earlier. If I realised his problems promptly.If I was more serene and sought a solution. If I could talk with him more often beforehand.If I was more sensible in my words and action, not let the negative emotions overwhelmed me. If I could care more ahead of time.If I was more considerate. If I fully trusted them. If I wasn’t so stubborn and idiotic. If I didn’t choose the wrong path…No such tragedy would happen. If only I (we) could prevent those 'if's.Those 'If's were late, what happened had happened
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio & Tsukishima Kei & Yachi Hitoka & Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: Glass Collector [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2037544
Kudos: 20





	If Only We Could Prevent Those 'If's

**Author's Note:**

> Saw the event on Twitter 3 days before it started and decided to let it be the very first one I contribute! 
> 
> Beware that I proofread it myself, sorry if there are mistakes. Likely there will be future editing. I'm doing my best! 
> 
> It said 'Angst Week' and I may or may not make this a bit too dark. I have listed the warnings in the tags, beware of them!
> 
> Tbh, I'm more of a Close/Platonic Relationships person. OF COURSE, I also do romantic ones, just not as much as close/platonic ones.
> 
> Enjoy~

“IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!” Yamaguchi was then brutally shoved on the floor when trying to stop the three in a violently intense atmosphere. Yachi rushed to Yamaguchi’s side, clung onto him with fear when watching the situation in horror.

* * *

Best friends always face challenges, the fives had faced many ups and downs since their first year of high school. This one though, was a crisis, which was a crack so huge that was beyond repair.

As careers after graduation, Kageyama had successfully become Japanese representative volleyball athletes with flying colours, followed by Hinata when he came back from his exchange from Brazil. Tsukishima was active in the V League while having a job in his interest. Yachi and Yamaguchi also became members of society in their affection after universities. Because of their different paths, they were far apart. However, they knew their bonds were connected-

Until then.

People made fatal mistakes. Kageyama started a fire that could not be put off- went to a path that led to the edge of a cliff where some athletes fell into, substance-abusing. He hid it from Hinata, the rest of his companions, but he could not hide it forever. The first person found out was Hoshiumi, in both their apprehension, Hoshiumi kept it. Kageyama eventually resigned from the athlete stage, thinking it was his sake and everyone else’s, and also the fact of his decreasing performances. Hinata was, of course, shocked by his decision. But he respected his best companion’s choice, without knowing the true reason. They promised to keep in contact, but Kageyama slowly disappeared afterwards, living his underground life.

Tsukishima then found the seriousness of Kageyama’s disappearance when the panic Hinata couldn’t contact him for 2 weeks, previously just thought he was busy with National Team stuff. The worries were followed by Yamaguchi and Yachi when they found his telephone number was disabled. Before Hinata finally suggested to get the police department, Hoshiumi spilled the truth privately to him. Shocked and despair overwhelmed him, Hinata told the painful truth to the group. Tsukishima was angered, Yamaguchi was disturbed, and they were thinking how to talk about it to Yachi without triggering her crippling anxiety. Thinking she deserved the truth, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi told her in person, carefully told her the atrocious downfall of Kageyama. Took her time to calm herself down. Other than shock, she was massively disappointed. A horrible, selfish path Kageyama chose.

Hinata and Tsukishima made a heavy, massive decision of having a break in volleyball, while Yamaguchi and Yachi begged heavily to their superiors and took a period off in their work. From asking Kageyama’s past neighbours to questioning those punks in shadowy corners of society, they manage to locate the dark bunker of his.

On the day they planned with heavy hearts, though the three young men didn’t support the idea of letting the young woman came along, she insisted no matter what

Concerned were shown on their faces, but the young women head on the car

“No matter what, that guy needs a slap that woke him up. We’re getting his path straight.” Tsukishima sat on the driver’s seat, set off quickly. “An hour and half will do, according to GPS.”

Along the way, nobody was willing to speak, thinking about their best friend’s downfall, the worst part was he might lose his life.

Time passed by, they arrived at a desolate place, a sordid street filled with dodgy pubs and inns. Yamaguchi pulled Yachi close.

“Be aware.”

They alertly and cautiously asked about Kageyama’s appearance. On the way there were drunks randomly yelling at them, causing chaos with some gangs saying they were plainclothes police. Avoiding evasive dealers was also the problems. Yet nothing concerned more than the state of the person they were looking for. Just when they were about to leave the mess of the second pub, Hinata spotted a familiar tall figure, he gave the rest a signal.

“Kageyama Tobio!” Hinata shouted, the figure shook by the intimate sound, hurried, then ran away. Hinata dashed full speed after, Tsukishima followed close behind, while Yamaguchi followed whilst assuring Yachi.

Perhaps it was the effect of drugs, Kageyama then could not further escape, he turned to an alley, stopped. Hinata and Tsukishima quickly caught up.

“Why the fuck are you all here-”

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?”

Kageyama, once with his confident, prideful look; was now pale and grievous. Pain struck into the fours’ heart, how did a man with a successful path ended up like this?

“Kageyama, why.” Although trying to hold his mentality, Tsukishima asked with a trembling voice.

“Somehow not calling my ‘King’ now, huh?” a cold chuckle was replied.

“We’re serious, please,” Hinata added.

“Huh, isn’t it bit late trying to fix things now?”

“You’re hard to read, you never talk, you’re blaming us?”

“Tsukki, careful with your wo-”

Kageyama suddenly bolted forward, grabbed Tsukishima on his collar, just as the scene when the four teenagers first met, but in far different atmosphere.

“NOBODY understands, all the thoughts in my head, saying ‘I need to be perfect’, thousands and thousands of times, telling me to be better than 100%. I’m a genius setter, I’m a Japan representative at the age of 19, I’m an impeccable athlete everyone expected. I’m worthless if I can’t do this, it is getting tough. What's the point? Might as well give up my life than that. Those everything in my head. Do you understand this shit? Do you know how despairing is this to me?”

Kageyama was shattered. His head was in a shamble, he felt confused, hopeless. He knew his words wasn't make sense, nevermind, as if anyone could normally in his life same his four most ~~important companions.~~

Those four were his closest in his life since the pass of his mother, they would ~~never~~ push him away, they would always be there for him……

_No_

they would never understand and accept him.

Hinata tried comforting him. “We were all here, we can sort a way to help you. We did in high school, didn’t we?”

“As if you all’s existence will help. You all know NOTHING” Deep down in Kageyama, he _didn’t_ mean that- his head was dull, must have been the aftermath of his decision.

The atmosphere was stern after words by words. Tsukishima paralyzed. Kageyama’s hand still tugging his shirt. Those words sateted from Kageyama, a volleyball genius; he accept the fact that he could not understand. But couldn't forgive his selfishness. With furious thought he grabbed the arm which was clung on the front of his shirt, the anger build from his so-called ‘best friend’ stupidity, he chucked Kageyama in the solid wall of the alley callously.

“WE ARE ALL HERE, RIGHT NOW, TRYING TO HELP YOU. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH WE CARE? OUR EXISTENCES ARE PART OF EACH OTHER’S EXISTENCE. YOU ARE GENIUS IN VOLLEYBALL, BUT OTHER THAN THAT YOU’RE JUST A DUMB FUCK IN LIFE.”

“TSUKKI! YOUR WORDS!”

All those times, a side of Kageyama was always demanding, reminding him he was superior, the reason for his ‘dictatorship attitude’. Keep telling him he was always above everyone, even outside volleyball (even though it was false). It kept telling him to ignore what other people said, the strong thought continuously dominated him, dragged his wrecked mindset around, like a puppet on a string. And all those times his other side faintly told him to accept people, his teammates, friends. Admitting he was just like a normal human being like others. The aim of volleyball was to enjoy the wonderfulness of sports, he was not a machine exist just to play well on the court. These contradictions were tearing him apart. Kageyama Tobio been living in the chaos of his head for years.

He fell in deep confusion. He didn’t know any of his life purposes now. He messed up his own Life’s Backbone- volleyball, he couldn’t find any desire or reasons of playing. Only a mislead realisation intruded and led him to realise the fact that he was playing because his life purpose was to play perfectly, which he couldn’t achieve. He then trotted the wrong path of drowning himself in euphoria, forgetting all his everything.

The two were tackled together, Hinata also got irritated and got in the marsh. Seemed anger and confusion had overwhelmed them. Hinata attempted to hold down Kageyama, he then was forcefully scratched on the face by Kageyama’s long-untidied nails, traces of wounds were revealed. Yamaguchi, with a painful heart, rushed in and tried to stop them, resulting in getting pushed off. Yachi hurried next to him with unsteady steps, followed by dyspnoea gradually building up. Yamaguchi immediately tried to calm her down. Tears formed in her eyes, mumbling.

“Kageyama-kun would never push us away from him, as much as he was irritated, he… he would never hurt any… of us. Why when he needed us the most, we… we do the most unsupportive behaviours… Tsukishima-kun normally would rationally handle these situations, Hinata never further worsened the situation or voluntarily got himself involved in a fight. Why…” Followed by her mumbling words, her hands clung on Yamaguchi tightly.

“STOP! Please, I beg.” A wail was painfully cried from Yamaguchi while holding on Yachi, who was forcefully getting herself together.

The cried was too late.

Maybe it was the effects, maybe it was the brutality situation. Kageyama’s violent behaviour was triggered. Got a pocketknife under his jumper and slashed widely across recklessly, across Hinata’s left arm and Tsukishima’s stomach.

No… no… it wasn’t...

“Ya… Yamaguchi, call the police.” The knife dropped on the floor.

“But… you”

“DO IT.”

He then rushed to Tsukishima.

“I’m fine, don’t self-blame, leave that later… I SAID DON’T. Hinata! How deep is your wound?”

“Deeper than a normal cut, I got my large handkerchief to stop it. TSUKISHIMA OH GOODNESS.”

“CALM DOWN, jeez, can you give me your jacket since you have the handkerchief… tsk… argh…”

“O... ok hang in there...”

After Yamaguchi’s scream, there were some stoned ones who saw the incident and were trying to ‘get involved’. Then changed their mind when they saw Kageyama’s act. Knowing the police will soon be involved, outside the alley were noises of people trying to flee from the scene.

Kageyama sank to his knees, stared at his hand. Listening to Tsukishima’s painful groans and Yamaguchi’s voice for the call. A hopeless shout was exhaled. Thinking what he had done to his friends, his best friends, his best companions in life. His heart clenched, tears of frustration and pain rolled down. He realised what he had done was selfish, he regretted everything. If he didn’t end up wasted, they wouldn’t come all the way here, comforting him, asking him back, ended up hurt by them. He now made a mistake where there would be serious consequences. He felt hollowed, hearing the end of the call, watching Yamaguchi started to help Tsukishima and Hinata with blood stopping. He could tell Tsukishima was in great pain.

Guilt overwhelmed him. He never had the face to face them again. What had he done…?

This is far worse than what he was dealing with.

Slowly, he once again picked up his pocketknife… then raised it up…

A pair of shivering small hands hurried in, overlapping on his with the implement. He looked to see the owner of the hands, belonging a girl with a weary face with countless tear stains, with more drops flowing out from her eyes. Shaked her head with grief. How brave of her stood up in this situation in such anxious state. Yachi guided his hands slowly, lead him to drop his weapon once more.

After he was unarmed again, Yachi hugged Kageyama with gentle care, he bowed down a little to fit her height for comfort, both were trembling. Her amiable voice comforting him- ‘it’s alright it’s alright…’ refusing to let go.

“You shouldn’t…. be here…. it’s…. too… dangerous…. for……. I… I’m… sorry…”

“Nothing… nothing more important than to save a needing friend. Don’t…. worry. We’re not going anyway…” She needed to let him know, they are always there for him, no matter what. They might not truly understand him, but they were always willing to follow him if he was far ahead. Make sure he wasn’t alone, to catch and support him while he fell and stop.

* * *

Police and ambulance came 15 minutes later, Hinata’s wound was not severe, small surgery of stitches would get the most part done. Tsukishima had a broader wound, gladly also wasn’t too severe which might lead to hurting the internal organs, the effort for the blood stopping was great, even though he was in great pain, he managed to stay conscious for the being. He would need a bigger surgery. Yamaguchi and Yachi were brought for reports by the police.

Kageyama was arrested for substance abuse and simple assault.

By the time Yamaguchi and Yachi head out of the police station, the media were already crazy about the news, with their mobiles of blown up notifications. Annoyed, they turned them off. As they arrived at the hospital looking for Hinata, who was waiting for Tsukishima, gathered.

As the two stepped into the room. Yachi broke down. Yamaguchi once again steadied her and supported her. Everything so sudden, they were confused. What happened? Why things ended up like this?

The fives perhaps were self-blaming at the same moment together- in hospital room, in surgery room, in waiting cell.

_If I was less reckless in my behaviours. If I could help him sooner._

_If I was braver and stood up firmly earlier. If I realised his problems promptly._

_If I was more serene and sought a solution. If I could talk with him more often beforehand._

_If I was more sensible in my words and action, not let the negative emotions overwhelmed me. If I could care more ahead of time._

_If I was more considerate. If I fully trusted them. If I wasn’t so stubborn and idiotic. If I didn’t choose the wrong path…_

_No such tragedy would happen. If only I (we) could prevent those 'if's._

Those 'If's were late, what happened had happened. 

First the painful headline of the past-National Team setter’s crime and news with the time of his trial. Then the High School Alumni Group Chat. Especially the Volleyball Club. On Hinata’s case, as a part of the National Team, the messages had further torn him.

Four years and seven months for what Kageyama did. Gladly he admitted his crimes with the outcome not too severe.

During Tsukishima’s recovery, he refused every visitor, even his ‘best friends’, simply put ‘sorry, I don’t deserve any goods from you all anymore’. Even when he was discharged, he rarely contacted anyone. Hinata started to talk less, his sunshine attitude was dimming, even quitted the sport stage, and eventually isolated himself like Tsukishima did. Later, it was found that they were both diagnosed with PTSD. Yachi’s mental health was also going downhill, with how her best friends were now, it brought despair to her. Now she was in a mental care hospital. Yamaguchi, even though he was living with the guilt of being a step lat (and everyone told him it was not his fault). With wounded feelings, he managed to pick up himself, occasionally did his best to visit the others, even Kageyama, who was in prison. Always let them know he would not go anywhere. He told himself to stand up, do everything he can to pick up the pieces that were shattered.

There was one day where Yamaguchi head to the mental hospital to see Yachi, whose progress was steady recently. She was usually eager to know the news of the rest, even the unpleasant ones, when Yamaguchi tried to rephrase it in a more general way, ignoring Yachi said he didn't have to.

He walked into Yachi’s room; only found she was weeping desperately. Hurried beside her, offered to help. He then realised a photo on the floor next to her bed- a picture of the five of them together in their last Spring High, when they got Third in the nationals. Everyone smiled happily, even Tsukishima.

“Sorry… it fell out from one of the books in the box you helped me with 2 weeks ago… I-” she could not continue the words. Yamaguchi felt sore at his nose, thinking should he look away from the photo.

“When… when… did it… all… change… I… lost… the… sights…” her voice between sobs.

Yeah,

**_ When did it all change? _ **

Everything happened so fast.

How did this once cheerful beaming friends of five now end like this?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Feel free to tell me how it is!
> 
> I'm also thinking of making a second part of this... I just don't like the sadness in stories.............


End file.
